Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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