Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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