awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
