Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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