i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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