if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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