just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
