Pants 0. Shit 1.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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