no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
