I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
two words: eviction party
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
