every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
