My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
