no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
