so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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