I am spending my child support on dildos
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
