i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
