shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
