i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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