But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize