Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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