Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I am morally bankrupt
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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