I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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