and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
