smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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