I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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