i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
