Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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