i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
