Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
