Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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