Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
