apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
3 2 1 whiskey
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
