Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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