we have pet lesbian snakes
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
