I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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