Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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