false alarm. still invincible.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
don't judge my taste in strippers
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
