All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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