There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
