can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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