fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
