I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
