DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
