this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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