just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
