i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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