R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize