If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
