i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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