woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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