I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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