Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
