Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
