I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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