Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
