this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
barbara walters just said penis...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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