i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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