Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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