i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
