I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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