id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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