No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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