chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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