Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
