In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
