Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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