she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He did a backflip because drugs
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
