I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
